This could be one of my worst dreaded weigh-in's yet. My question is...Should this weigh-in even count? And what about the weigh-in around New Years? ...Oh, ok...Of course they count! I'm just not happy with the numbers on the scale.

Today's weigh-in: 278.8 pounds. I am up 1.4 pounds since I last weighed myself. Well, I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. I mean, it is my fault. I am the one who ate like a pig yesterday. I am the one who had two, 2! pieces of cheesecake. (OMG, my love for cheesecake is seriously going to break me into a million tiny, little pieces!!!!! My lovely Aunt, whom I love dearly, brought a friggin' cheesecake platter to the family dinner! UGH!) ...It's just my fault. Plain and simple.

The Holiday's are always the worst. Always. And I always complain about how badly I have eaten over Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then New Years! It's a never ending cycle I'm afraid! Bah! lol

Well, here's to watching what I eat for the next 5 days. Just so that I can eat at the family New Year's Eve party and complain about it the following day! Whoopie! Hah. I am so stupid sometimes. I am totally laughing at myself...right now!

Have a good day everyone! Love to all! ~Emily

There are only 12 more minutes until Christmas 2005 has passed. Christmas has come and gone so quickly this year. It seems as though the older I get the quicker the Holidays pass...or rather the quicker everything passes, but we'll save that for another day.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! :) It was a good one on this end.

Also, I hope everyone didn't eat too much. I know I did. And now I'm starting to regret it...my belly is getting all gurgly! Uhhhhhhhhg! X.o

Here's to the New Year in 6 days! 2006 is sure to bring in a great year! I'm sure :)

Love to all ~Emily

...but I did.

I just weighed myself in & I was happy to find out that I am down to 277.4 pounds today! That's only 0.2 pounds different than what I weighed in last week! Yays!

I suppose it was just water. Last night at work I drank nothing but water and I had one 16 oz cup of Iced Tea. Let's just say I've been going to the bathroom like crazy since yesterday! lol ...But I think it worked!

Thanks for the advice ladies! I love you all!!!!! :) <3

Well, I'm off to Syracuse for a bit. Until next time!!! ~Emily

PS. I'll edit my ticker and sidebar info later! :)

Today's weigh in: 279.4 pounds. So, that means I am up 2.2 pounds since last week. Maybe I'm just retaining some water. I've been feeling kind of off-ish this week.

It's been a rough week. But when I say rough I don't mean food wise (I mean, yes, there were a few times when I ate horridly)...I've been quite stressed out. I don't really know what exactly I've been stressing about(other than food/weight issues), but it definately been rough.

I just want to say thank-you to all of you out there for your support and kind comments. I really helps me to know that there are people (that I don't even know) out there rooting for me. It's hard for me just to get the support of my family -- maybe that's why I'm down on myself all of the time? I don't know. But thank-you girls! It sure does mean a lot to me! :) <3

Well, I must go shower and get ready for work. Until next time. ~Emzi

You don't have to read all of this.

I totally just ate a couple of slices of frozen pizza. It's probably one of the absolute worst foods I could have possibly eaten.

Tomorrow is the company Christmas party. It's at Amish Acres...Thresher's Dinner and Beauty and the Beast at the Round Barn Theatre. Just look at the menu for the dinner. It's going to be a bad, bad day. *sigh* Whatever.

I've been thinking a lot about pregnancy. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while now. It's been almost 2 years since we stopped using protection & I have yet to become pregnant. I know what you're going to say...I'm only 22. I'm young. I've got time. But...I don't feel like I have time -- I feel like my Mom and MIL are pressuring my husband and me for grandkids. Ok, maybe not pressuring, persay, but definately hinting to the lines of pregnancy.

I feel like I'm letting them (Mom and MIL) down and my husband, who wants children more than anything. We are young and maybe we do have time, but we don't want to wait too long.

Congratulations to those of you whom have easily concieved without help. My husband and I have excellent insurance through his employer. It even pays for fertility treatments, but I'm not sure that I am willing to go in that route. I feel like a failure. And, if I did go through w/ fertility treatments down the road, who's not to say that they don't work and I'm childless my whole life? Besides, our insurance only covered fertility treatments for a certain number of times.

Why am I even obsessing? I do not know.

Yes, I know. This is suppose to be a weight loss journal, but I decided to stray from the wl topic just because I needed to vent. And, I do have another off topic journal, but this topic is just too personal. And, no one that I know personally, except for my best friend, knows about this journal. *sigh*

This is all for now. ~Emzi

Hardly! The past two days my appetite has been very low. Now, I am an eater & I love food, but yesterday and today I just don't seem to want to eat. A surpressed appetite by far is simply amazing, but not eating much worries me. I know it's only been a two day streak, but this is simply unheard of -- especially coming from me. *sigh* Wonder how long this will last?

In other news, I'm feeling kind of skinny-ish today. Maybe I've lost a bit of weight...or maybe it's just because it was warmer outside today so I didn't have to wear my gigantic, fluffy winter coat. Yeah, that's probably the answer...

What I've eaten today:

• Chef Salad from work (lettuce, shredded cheddar cheese, few bacon bits, hard boiled egg, grilled chicken, ranch dressing and red pepper flakes on top to taste.) = ~524ish cals :( YUCK!
  
• 16 oz regular Coke (from work) = ~216
  
• 16 oz hot chocolate (2 pkts Nestle Hot Choc mix(160 cals) + 16 0z steamed, skim milk(~171 cals)=331 cals total...ultimately = DEATH!)
• 1 12oz can Sam's Choice Caff. Free-Diet Cola = <3
• 1 Sweet'N Low Sugar Free Butter Toffee hard candies = 7 amazing calories!

Daily Running Totals: ~1077 cals ...Gah, I totally suck at this!

Until next time...~Emzi

...a good day! I ate very well yesterday & I was very happy w/ myself! And this hasn't happened in awhile folks!

What I ate/drank yesterday:

• GV Weight Loss Shake
• 1 package Weight Control Oatmeal (this stuff really works! I ate it around 1pm and I didn't even start to feel hungry again until around 7pm when I ate my dinner @ work)
• Fairly large Chef salad (lettuce, shredded cheddar cheese, egg, grilled chicken, ranch dressing and red pepper flakes on top. YUH-UM! I think I'll have another one tonight!!!!)
• 1 cup low-fat cottage cheese
• 1 small piece of Artisan French Bread (...it was too salty for me, so I will not be buying it again! ...why is it salty? I have no idea.)
• 1-1/2 servings of Chipotle Cheddar Snack Crackers.
• ~10 oz. of regular COKE (Bad, bad Emily!!!!!)
• 2 12oz cans of diet, caf-free cola.
• water, water, water

Ok, I suppose I only thought I ate well yesterday. *sigh* After wriging everything down I feel like a total pig. OINKer. Maybe I'm just being to hard on myself? I don't know.

Until next time. Happy healthy eating. ~Emzi

My instincts were right. Today's weigh-in: 277.2--that's a gain of 0.2 pounds. I suppose it could be worse, but I'm definately not happy about it. I am really going to crack down on myself this week. I've gotta start doing something & soon. I guess it's salads for me all week!

Have a great day, everyone! ~Emzi

Well, soon it will be time for weigh-in #2. I know I will be up from my last weigh-in...I just know I will.

I will be changing my diet plan yet again. I will give Allan mass amounts of props for his will power! But I just cannot do it. I do not feel satisfied, therefore, I tend to have mini-binges that have turned into mega-binges on more than one occasion. I'm really in a slump here. I just don't know where to turn. I cannot stick with any diet plan and nothing seems to work.

My latest food-for-thought-ish moment has been Weight Watchers. And then again, L.A. Weight Loss. Although, I could always go back to the Atkins Diet...What next? Where do I go? Help!

I have only just begun my 22nd year of life and I have been obese for the majority of my life. I need change in my life, but just can't seem to find the right ticket for success!

Does anyone have any thoughts? Please, either leave me a comment or email me at emzi06@gmail.com!!! ~Emzi

*sigh* So the scale has definately been hovering around 279 pounds the past few days. I don't know what it is...I haven't been eating horridly, but then again, I haven't been eating as well as I should. That's partly for the fact that I haven't felt good for the past 2 days (in fact, I didn't even go to work today). Maybe it's water. Am I semi-bloated? Oh, who knows. All I do know is that I'm super bummed and all I want to do is eat. So instead, I've been drinking Diet Fruit Punch (it's actually Wal-Mart brand like Crystal Lite, so it's not all that bad for me...).

I've been craving eggs all day...fried, scrambled, hard boiled...I don't care, I just want eggs! What is my deal?! Bah...

Here's to tomorrow. Hoping for a better day! ~Emzi

This morning's weigh-in: 277.0 pounds. That's a loss of 8 pounds for this week! :) I'm super excited about that!

Well, I wish I had the time to write more, but I have to get ready for work! Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!!!!

w/ <3 _Emzi

So, the diet is going good I suppose. Tomorrow morning is weigh-in day. Wish me luck w/ that. I hope for a loss. ~Emzi

...but I did. I stepped on the scale this morning to find out that I'm down 4.8 pounds! Wow, that is simply amazing. I'm completely stoked.

I've been keeping a Fitday food journal, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to release it to the world yet! It's still a work in progress!

Also, my ticker isn't working the way I want it to. I've lost 4.8 pounds so that means I am at 280.2 pounds. I entered my information but it rounded it up to the nearest pound. I suppose that it just doesn't handle exact detail very well. I wonder if this is how every ticker is or if it's just this one. Maybe I'll have to do some searching around for a new ticker. I don't want to though because the colors go w/ my layout very well!!!!! Bah, if it's not one thing then it's definately another. *sigh*

Well, don't have the time to write anymore. I need to put on my shoes and head out to work. Oh, happy day. ~Emzi

PS It's snowing and I don't want to drive...BAH!

Ok, so I finally bought a new scale. It's digital & my old one was a dial scale. Problem is...When I hopped on the new scale it weighed me 20 pounds heavier than what the dial scale had weighed me. So, in all of like 20 seconds my weight jumped from 265 to 285! Let's just say that I am super bummed!

So, with that said -- I will be starting my diet over since I now know my "true" weight. Only problem is...I've seen the 260's area for so long that now that I'm in the 280's it doesn't even seem real. Yes, it felt real in the 260's because I feel like I weigh 260ish pounds. However, I do not feel like I weigh 285! TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FIVE POUNDS! That is a huge jump -- HUGE!

This has totally been one of the worst days in my life. Hope everyone had the best day possible! Bad days suck, indeed. Indeed, they do!

This is all for now. ~Emzi