I feel like I have lost control. I weighed in at 275.6 this morning. I just don't know what to do.

So, for now, I'm on carb patrol.

I hope everyone else had a better week than I did.

Well, you'll be pleasantly surprised to find out that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...not yet, at least. This is where I stand with this whole diet thing.

I've been dieting, counting calories, becoming more active, etc for the past 24 weeks. I started out at 285 pound and I am down to about 273 as of today. My lowest in these past 24 weeks was 269.4 pounds. No matter how cautious I am with my caloric intake or how strict I am with my activity levels my weight just doesn't seem to budge. I've been fluctuating and/or hovering (if you prefer) anywhere between 269 & 273.

I just don't understand it. I am very, very frustrated. That is why I have decided to stop counting the days and weigh-in's...I am just going to take it day by day. I will still only weigh-in on Monday's.

I think I'm just getting too discouraged by seeing the numbers (of days/weigh-in's) creeping up, but my weight not budging. Maybe if I just weigh-in and not be all like, "This is day #161 and Weigh-In #23." Yeah, doesn't sit to pretty in my mind. I tend to dwell on things.

For anyone that is concerned...I have gotten through to the doctor's office and I have an appointment at the gyno on June 13th. Yeah, it's really that far away. They must be booked or something. But, I suppose the good thing is is that I am actually going.

I hope that my problem is simple to fix. I'm hoping that they tell me that all I need to do is get on some birth control for awhile to get regulated and then voila have a baby! ...But, I suppose that's just a bit too much wishful thinking. I really hope it's not my thyroid. Or PCOS. Oh, gosh.

Speaking of having babies...I'm going to be an Auntie! My brother's girlfriend is 7 weeks pregnant and is due around February 1st. It was quite the surprise to them, but they are happy. I am happy for them, but I can't help but be jealous of them. Bro's gf already has a 13-mo old son (not my bro's kid though).

Um, well, I do suppose this is all for now. I guess I just needed to vent a bit. I hope no one minded...Oh, look at me! Seems like I have to ask for permission to write in my own journal. *sigh*

Much love,
Emily

I weighed in this morning to find that I am down a bit. 2.8 pounds to be exact. I'm at 271.4 for the moment...I suppose my body decided to be nice to me this week.

I am still in the process of setting up a doctors appointment. Everytime I call I just get the run-around and get put on hold for a crazy amount of time. I'm hoping that one of these times that I call I'll actually get through to someone. I suppose they don't care though...

I found out yesterday that my brother's girlfriend is about 8 weeks pregnant. I didn't appreciate how I was told. They all know that DH and I have been struggling w/ being able to get pregnant. It was just a huge slap in the face.

I just suppose no one cares...Do they? Oh well...

Anyway...I hope to get to the gym a couple of times this week. Now, I just have to make it happen, I suppose.

My body is finally officially out of control! Yesterday I weighed in at 274.2! That's again of 3.2 pounds from last week. That's ridiculous if you ask me.

Shannin commented on my last post about thyroid being a contributor to weight gain...I just thought I would share with everyone that thyroid problems run in my family. My Mom, in fact, had surgery to remove one of her thyroid glands when I was about 12. She had a tumor on it and then off of the tumor there were 3 cysts. A few other family members have had problems too.

When I was in 8th grade (1997-1998...heh) I had a patch of hair fall out at the base of my hair line on the left side. It was as smooth as a baby's butt and was about the size of 50 cent piece. I don't even know when it fell out...I just noticed it one day. My mom took me to the doctor and I had blood work done to test for thyroid (mind you it was just about 2 years prior that my Mom had had her surgery!). But, the blood work came back negative and they couldn't find anything...so the missing patch of hair still remains a mystery.

But, if anyone is concerned about my health today...You'll be glad to know that I am in the process of finding a doctor that is on our insurance plan. I will be going in for a complete physical...head to toe, blood work, EVERYTHING. It's just a matter of finding a good doctor that is taking new patients!

Wow, I don't think I've ever posted an entry this long on here before...lol! Sorry if I bore you to death with my rambling, but thanks for listening!

Have a good day.
Emily

PS Anybody catch wind of todays date? 6/6/06 -- kinda creepy, huh? *yikes* Yeah, and quite the perfect day for a job intervie huh? *enter sarcasm here* Wish me luck.